Saturday, April 5, 2014
I Think You Ought to Know I'm Feeling Very Depressed
Less than two weeks to go now before I become the Answer to Life, the Universe and Everything. B is organizing a shindig. He keeps asking me what I want it to be and my answer continues to be that what I really want is not to have to plan my own birthday party. But we have settled on a theme: Infinitely Improbable. So please come as whatever it is least likely for you to be, especially if the unlikeliest thing for you to be is present. We will be supplying the bowl of petunias and a Squishable Whale (to go home with a darling neice). But I am truthfully mired in the mean reds today, and have been for several days now. Not sure why. Wish I knew. I was away from home, traveling for work this week, and that was pretty good, but by the time I got home I was so down that, when B told me that he'd tried one of my Adderall and it worked - it really, really worked for him, he was expecting me to be thrilled, but instead I broke down crying. In a restaurant, no less. The way he was describing it, suddenly everything was so easy to do. When I came home, I discovered he'd done an immense amount of work cleaning the house, and it was different than when B usually cleans, it was more complete, more thorough. He'd gone through all the mail, months' worth that had collected in odd places, here and there, wherever had been the most convenient to drop it, and opened and dealt with it all. This is something that, before, had been a simply monumental task for either of us to deal with. These meds work for him and they don't for me. Back to the doctor, armed with research that says that, for my type of ADHD, the best treatment is usually a specific type of antidepressant. Started a new drug today. Strattera, a non-stimulant SNRI, takes a month or so to start kicking in properly. Meanwhile, B's experience with the Adderall has been enough to get him determined to go to the doc to get his own prescription. I am looking up at the prospect of B being able to deal with life. I should be beyond happy about this. Just not feelin' it.